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The “Let’s Be Exclusive” Talk

When you are dating someone and you feel it is time for your physical intimacy to progress to intercourse, it’s time to have the “Exclusivity Talk.” It is best to have the conversation in person and in a neutral environment, such as at lunch or on a walk. You can have the talk over the phone, but it’s better in person so you can see his facial expression.

Here are some ideas for starting the Exclusivity talk:

  • “I know we have not talked about dating other people, but I was wondering if you are seeing anyone else.”
  • “It would make me feel more open to sex if you were not dating anyone else.”
  • “It may be too soon to think/talk about this, but I wanted to know if we are exclusive.”
  • “I’m ready to be more open with you (implied as ready for sex), but I need your promise that we are exclusive.”

These are just some ideas for getting started. Be prepared that if you have this conversation while in the middle of passion, he will always promise that he’s not seeing anyone else, whether it’s true or not – just to get sex.

Keep in mind he may hear you say that you want a “life-long” commitment. Reassure him that you are not looking for a long-term commitment at this point because it’s way too soon. Tell him you are only looking for commitment to exclusivity.